Soul Mate - my impression of "Eat Pray Love" by E. Gilbert

‘… I seriously believed David was my soul mate.

“ He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at an empty can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not  careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him.”

Elisabeth Gilbert “Eat Pray Love” p. 157-158 Talking with Richard from Texas

Every single word Richard says is condensed, crystallized truth of me. It’s the very story of my summer, my hottest, craziest, my most unbelievable and impossible summer ever! I’ll tell you the story.

This guy rushed into my life out of the blue.  He was fierce, persistent and unstoppable. I struggled against him. I denied him. I refused letting him into my mind and into my body. But he won. So I surrendered. And I never ever regretted any minute of it. He turned my world upside down. He came and showed me what I can be, what I’m capable of. He revealed all the best in me. He released all my demons, let them out of their dungeons, fed them with all my fears and hopes…

He became my guiding light in the dim night of my confused and completely useless relationship. He got inside my mind and made me realize, and even more – made me speak out what I was so afraid of to say aloud because I believed that verbalized and pronounced ideas become real… He made me say it “I don’t love him anymore. I want to move on. I want to stop it. There’s no hope it’s gonna work out.”

So I did. I was ready. I was standing at  probably the biggest crossroad in my life. I had to decide if I really wanted to move to St. Petersburg and try something new. If I really wanted to give our relations one more chance on another place. Or if I was ready to leave him and move on. And be strong enough to live my life alone, as a separate person, unlike my previous life when I considered myself the part of my husband.

When I was walking aboard a plane I wasn’t really sure of my decision. The only thing I wanted was that summer would just stop, freeze, so that I could stay inside it, indulge myself in the arms of my summer son, my soul mate, the one who felt me like no one had done before, who saw something inside me what even I refused to see.

But I knew it was impossible. Just because it was. Just because it was meant to be so. Otherwise I would have been like that dog with the can on its snout. I would have stuck. And so would he. So I went aboard.

I missed him. Desperately. Mercilessly. I missed him so badly that I nearly started my own countdown to the day I come back to Blago and see him again… But the days grew colder, the summer went further back from me, the sun on my skin was fading away, and so did the pain. So did my insatiable longing of him. There’s no such pain that won’t go away. There’re no such wounds that won’t heal…

So the resume, Richard? I broke up with my husband, the one I had spent eight wonderful, yet incredibly painful years with. It was easy because I had been prepared. My summer son, my soul mate coached me. And I let him go. Beat it. And again, I don’t regret any single thing I’d done this summer.

Now I’m in the middle of a new relationship. Too soon maybe? We’ll see. My demons are full, satisfied, sleeping quietly in their dungeons and don’t bother me anymore. So I can relax and enjoy my new boyfriend and accept gratefully whatever pleasure or suffering he gives me… But it wouldn’t have been so easy if I hadn’t surrendered that one night in June when my summer son first touched me…

If anything in your life is meant to happen, it will, however hard you may fight.